She thinks her future sister-in-law asked her to be a bridesmaid just because she’s her brother’s sister. She accepted anyway but sought advice from the Reddit community on whether she was being a jerk about her requests.
She Was Asked to Be a Bridesmaid
The Original Poster (OP) will be a bridesmaid for the fiancée (30F) of her older brother (31M) in their upcoming wedding.
While they are not close, OP suspects she was only asked to be a bridesmaid simply because she is her brother’s sister.
Going to the Chapel
Despite this, OP agreed to be a bridesmaid and was even willing to wear whatever style the fiancée wanted, as long as it did not involve any major changes like cutting or dyeing her hair.
It’s Not Her Day
OP acknowledges that it is not her day and is willing to wear an unappealing dress and pretend it’s beautiful if it makes the fiancée happy.
Trying to Get Some Answers From the Bride
OP is a wheelchair user, which causes some concerns about accessibility at the wedding reception. OP knows that the wedding venue itself, which is their local church, is totally accessible for her, so that is not an issue.
The Reception Venue
However, the venue for the reception is causing worry. OP asked the fiancée where the reception would be held and whether it would be accessible for her, including an accessible bathroom.
She Got No Response
Unfortunately, the fiancée did not respond, so OP waited for about a week before following up with her again.
The fiancée then told OP that she was not sure if the reception venue was accessible, so OP asked where the venue was located.
She Was Feeling Left Out and Concerned
After looking up the reception venue, OP’s heart sank as she discovered that the building was old and not accessible for her.
Additionally, there were no feasible bathroom options for her to use. OP informed the fiancée about this, which led to her becoming very upset.
Apparently, OP’s brother had assured her that he would cover the cost and that she could choose any venue she liked, and this was the one that she had fallen in love with.
A Terrible Suggestion
In an attempt to resolve the situation, the fiancée suggested that someone could carry OP into the building and that her family or the other bridesmaids could help her use the bathroom.
However, the very idea of this mortified OP, and she was not willing to agree to being carried to use the bathroom.
Trying to Create Some Alternatives for the Bride
OP presented the fiancée with two options regarding the reception venue. If the fiancée wanted OP to attend the reception, she needed to choose a venue that was accessible.
Alternatively, if the fiancée chose a venue that was not accessible, OP would still be a bridesmaid at the wedding but would have to skip the reception.
She Became Upset
The fiancée was upset and expressed concern that everyone, especially OP’s family, would notice and question her absence, which would reflect poorly on the fiancée.
This Is Not About You!
Furthermore, the fiancée accused OP of making the situation about herself, which she felt was unfair since it was supposed to be her special day.
What Should She Do Next?
At this point, OP was feeling enraged and contemplated involving her brother to resolve the situation. However, she decided against it to avoid causing any issues between the fiancée and her brother.
OP emphasized to the fiancée that she had no intention of making the day about herself.
By marrying OP’s brother, the fiancée was joining their family, and she needed to understand that her suggestions were insensitive.
OP found the idea of being carried into the building and requiring assistance to use the bathroom to be insulting, and she made this clear to the fiancée.
She Was Going to Ask Her to Leave the Bridal Party
The situation escalated into a bigger argument, and the fiancée threatened to revoke OP’s role as her bridesmaid.
At this point, OP decided to end the conversation and reiterated her two options, leaving the final decision up to the fiancée.
OP questioned whether she was in the wrong for asking for basic accessibility and wondered if her emotional response was clouding her judgment.
Finally Discussing It With Her Brother
Her brother was upset about the suggestion that OP be carried into the building and helped to use the bathroom, and after a quick search of the venue, he could see that it would not be accessible for her.
He promised to resolve the situation and talk to his fiancée.
Will You Be My Groom’s Woman?
The venue had not yet been booked, and her brother promised to ensure that the venue was accessible.
In the end, her brother suggested that OP be his groom’s woman instead of his fiancée’s bridesmaid, to which OP agreed. She is still waiting for further updates from her brother.
Many commenters sided with the user, stating that the fiancé was in the wrong for not accommodating the user’s needs.
What would you do in OP’s situation?
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