Today’s sad story of relationship woes comes to us from Reddit. A woman describes how after 17 years of marriage, she is beginning to feel resentment toward her husband.
The Early Days
In the early days of their marriage, she was a social butterfly who loved being spontaneous and meeting new people.
However, after the birth of their first child, they decided she would stay at home with the baby to save on childcare costs.
More Kids on the Way
They welcomed a second child soon after, and while money was tight, the original poster (OP) managed to make it work.
She handled the finances, clipping coupons and ensuring that bills got paid and her children had everything they needed.
A Different Breed
But her husband was different. He couldn’t save money, and whenever he got a bonus, he would spend it on trucks or machinery.
He had five trucks and would pout like a toddler whenever he couldn’t buy something he wanted.
OP would laugh at herself when something went wrong, but her husband would scream and throw things.
They had to replace many things, but her husband would complain about having to buy another one, saying that if she hadn’t broken it, he wouldn’t have to buy a new one.
She Became Isolated
Her world became confined to her four walls and yard since she was at home with the kids 24/7 and didn’t have the gas money to visit her mother, who lived over an hour away.
She conditioned herself to be happy at home; otherwise, depression would have overtaken her.
An Active Mom
She volunteered for everything, including being a Girl Scout leader, soccer coach, and youth leader at church.
She finally got a job when her children were 8 and 9, and she found friends who weren’t just acquaintances because of their kids.
She felt like a person again, not just someone’s mom or wife, but her husband was always hard on her when she hadn’t done the household chores.
A Lazy Dad
OP was always busy with housework and looking after the children, while her husband didn’t do anything when he came home from work.
He wouldn’t do any housework, yard work, or take out the trash. She enjoyed it when he had to do all the housework and look after the kids on his days off since it gave her a break from the children.
He Didn’t Like Her Working
After a year and a half of this, her husband sat her down and wanted to know their finances, so she showed him.
After looking at their paychecks, he calculated the amount of overtime he would need to do to make up OP’s paycheck and estimated it would take an extra two hours a day of overtime.
So He Begged Her to Quit
He begged her to quit her job and go back to being a stay-at-home mom since she made less money than he did!
She didn’t want to, but her children begged her to since they didn’t like the way their dad did things.
Three Month Change
So she quit her job, and at first, her husband was a better husband, more considerate and kind. But this lasted for only three months.
OP became introverted, anxious, and depressed when she had to go anywhere. She started to cope by giving herself time to get mentally ready to go anywhere.
It helped, and she could still go anywhere, but she needed a heads-up to prepare herself.
COVID-19 Hit Her Hard
Then COVID-19 hit, and it became three to four days in advance again. She clawed her way back and could go anywhere if given a day’s notice.
She still gets overwhelmed by her husband and children, so she reads to escape. She can be present and still escape if she needs to, so she doesn’t get snippy.
However, her husband doesn’t take her needs into account. He always wants to do things spontaneously and ignores her request for time to prepare.
She’s told him over and over.
Today Was the Tipping Point
Today it reached a crux when he tried to take her to the store without prior notice. She told him she had plans to go to the store tomorrow, but he started bugging her, and when she refused, he got mad.
He shouted at her, “We can never do anything. I can’t wait to live by myself!”
He Does What?!
He says this a lot. He uses it as a weapon to hurt her feelings. It used to cut her deeply, but now she simply doesn’t care. He gaslights and throws tantrums like a toddler.
Anytime they go out, he is always in a bad mood while she isn’t. Then he bugs her, makes fun of her, and pesters her about things that upset her.
Then when she’s upset and in a bad mood, he tells her that she’s “ruining the fun” by being upset and to stop being sensitive!
He’s Not a Good Guy
When she tells her husband about her struggles with anxiety and how she needs a heads up, he says things like, “I’m just gonna spring going places on you,” like it’s some sort of game!
He’s clearly not respecting her boundaries, and it’s leading her to hate him.
She’s Had Enough
She’s finished. When her youngest gets their license, she’s getting a job. And then potentially a divorce. She ends her post by saying, “Honestly, I just do not care.”
Her husband sounds horrible and is taking her for granted. She needs to get a job right now as it will give her some freedom and control over her life. It would be best for her mental health too.
What do you think about this sad tale? What do you think she should do?
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Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Natalie Board. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.