This single mother’s question to the Reddit community started a lot of discussions recently. In her post, she asked if she’d acted poorly by telling her daughter the truth about her dad. It’s an interesting story that examines the dynamics in the life of a single mom.
The Original Poster (OP) was a 19-year-old college student when she got pregnant. The father of her child was also a college student at the time.
She Made It Clear to Him That She Was Pro-life
Before anything physical happened with him, she made it clear to him that she was pro-life, and if she were to get pregnant, she would not be getting an abortion. He said he understood, and they went ahead.
But OP got pregnant (despite practicing safe sex), and the father refused to take any responsibility and cut off all contact with the child.
He Lied to People About It
To cover his tracks, he even told friends and family members that she had planned the pregnancy to trap him! This was far from the truth. Though he paid mandatory child support, it wasn’t enough.
She Loves Her Daughter
Despite the hardship, OP loves her daughter and wouldn’t change a thing. Her daughter is now smart, wonderful, and her whole world.
Her Daughter’s Dad Has Recently Reached Out
Recently, her father reached out to OP on Facebook, expressing his desire to be a part of his daughter’s life.
In the 16 years since her daughter’s birth, he’s not sent one birthday card, not once asked about her. But why now?
As it turns out, his wife has been struggling with infertility, and OP can’t help but feel that he’s only reaching out now because he wants to have a child in his life.
He’d Been Absent All This Time
But where was he when she needed him most? Where was he when she worked her fingers to the bone to keep a roof over their heads? Where was he when his own daughter needed him?
OP was against the idea of allowing the father back into their lives, considering that he was absent throughout their child’s formative years.
She Worked Hard to Keep Her Child’s Belly Full
OP had to drop out of college, work two jobs, suffer through sleepless nights, and endure the judgment of society for being a young, single mom.
She was the one who provided for their child, while the father had no part in it.
He Wants It Easy
Now that he is older and finished with partying, has his degree and job, and his wife can’t give him kids, he suddenly wants to be involved with the child she raised.
She voiced her thoughts to the father, but he got mad and told her that she was the one who chose to have the baby, not him. This was the tipping point for OP.
She Wanted Him to Prove That He Cared
She asked him to prove that he had previously thought about their child by setting up a college fund or putting money aside for a car.
But he couldn’t provide any evidence, which showed OP that he only cared now because he couldn’t have any more kids.
She says she doesn’t think he cares about her daughter because, in 16 years, he hasn’t “once cared to save for her. He blew all his money from his youth on clubs because he didn’t care about her.”
She Told Her Daughter the Truth
OP spoke to her daughter about the situation, telling her the truth about her father and his intentions. She made it clear that he had nothing to offer her and advised her to think about it.
In the end, her daughter chose not to get to know him, and that was her decision.
However, the father was furious when he found out that OP had talked to their daughter about him! He accused her of denying their daughter a father and ruining his chance to know her.
OP stood her ground, telling him that he was the one who made the decision to abandon them in the first place!
Her Mom Thinks She Shouldn’t Have Said Anything
But now, OP’s mother is telling her that she shouldn’t have poisoned her daughter’s image of her father.
She said that their daughter probably felt rejected all over again and was likely hurting. Now, OP feels like she may have done something wrong.
But She Had to Be Honest With Her Daughter
But what was OP supposed to do? Lie to her daughter and pretend like everything was okay? Was her father suddenly the knight in shining armor she had been waiting for?
She couldn’t do that. She had to be honest with her daughter, no matter how painful it may be.
He Was Back for the Wrong Reasons
She was not angry that her daughter’s father had left but rather that he returned for the wrong reasons. In the end, OP was questioning if she had done the right thing.
Was she a jerk for telling their daughter the truth about her father?
Single Moms Have It Tough
Reddit users felt for this mother. They understood how tough it must have been to raise a child on her own, especially with how people look down on single moms.
One user said, “You are protecting your daughter from a potentially traumatizing and harmful situation.”
“It is one thing for him to give up parental rights and for it to remain that way, but he treats her like she is some sort of trend of the month.”
“What is going to happen when he realizes she is a complex, multilayered human with a lot of thoughts and feelings and likely a lot of negative feelings towards him?”
What do you think about this single mom’s story? Raising a kid with a partner is hard enough, but doing it alone is another level. Should she have been brutally honest with her daughter?
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The post This Absentee Father Wants to Reconnect but the Mom Told Her Daughter the Truth and Now He’s Livid first appeared on Fistful of Dollars.
Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Mangostar. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.