Family relationships are meant to be a source of love, support, and understanding. However, sometimes these dynamics can become toxic, leaving people to grapple with difficult decisions to protect their well-being.
In this Reddit post, a woman seeks validation for not wanting to call her toxic mother due to years of emotional abuse and manipulative behavior. Here’s the full story.
She Was Raised by a Religious Family
The Original Poster (OP) is a 25-year-old married woman who was raised in a devoutly Christian home.
She Was Always in Conflict With Her Mother
She was always at odds with her mother throughout her teenage years and into her young adult life.
It wasn’t until she was 18 years old that she recognized that her mother had been emotionally abusing her and was using every trick in the book from guilt-tripping to gas lighting to keep OP around.
She Broke Free
However, OP broke free when she was 22 when she married a non-Christian man. He even had tattoos, which was obviously against OP’s parents’ religion.
Her Parents Didn’t Like Her Husband
OP’s parents have treated them like children since the day they were married. They did it out of resentment because OP’s husband is not the stereotypical Southern Christian gentleman they had in mind for OP.
She Left Them
Despite being fully conscious of their mute disapproval, OP and her husband were willing to make an effort to make things work for “family’s sake.”
But things didn’t work out and OP left and has had no contact with her parents for a while.
Her Father Invited Her to Mother’s Day Lunch
OP saw a glimmer of hope when her father recently invited her to a Mother’s Day lunch.
An Unexpected Situation
OP and her husband traveled three hours to lunch, only to learn that her husband wasn’t included in the invitation. OP was furious.
OP mentioned that her husband always attends lunch invitations to which she is invited. There was nothing in the text from her father that indicated OP’s husband couldn’t join her for Mother’s Day lunch.
OP’s husband respected their revolting decision and left the lunch.
Her Parents Acted Like Nothing Was Wrong
OP’s family handled the situation as if nothing was amiss. The small talk began as soon as she sat down.
Her mother was talking about booking a cruise, and OP was shocked that the huge elephant in the room wasn’t being addressed.
She Lashed Out
OP conveyed her astonishment and annoyance that they left her husband off the invitation when they texted.
Her mother said that the daughter of one of her closest friends had spent Mother’s Day apart from her husband, which she felt was lovely.
OP immediately called her out on her BS saying “Since when do we just follow other family dynamics and assume that we are going to copy them.”
Her Mother Played the Victim Card
Then her mother attributed OP’s father’s lack of communication. Her mother began to act like the victim, complaining that she didn’t have access to OP’s current address or phone number.
Then she made it clear that she couldn’t imagine treating OP like an adult because OP had given her so much grief during her adolescence and the no-contact period.
She’s Having Conflicting Thoughts
A part of OP wants to mend the connection, but another part of OP doesn’t want to grant her mother the privilege of getting what she wants or give her the approval to do so.
She thought about why she should speak with her mother when she doesn’t respect her as an adult.
Now OP is thinking about simply going back to “no contact” because her life was less stressful when she was just being herself and refusing to fall for her mother’s manipulation.
She Asked Readers for Advice
OP took to Reddit to ask if she is wrong for not wanting to connect with her mother. Redditors showed their support for OP and said that she was not wrong.
So what do you think? Is OP correct in her decision?
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Featured Image Credit: Shutterstock / Roman Samborskyi. The people shown in the images are for illustrative purposes only, not the actual people featured in the story.