She (27F) has been in a relationship with her boyfriend, E (29M), for three years. They come from different countries but at the minute, they’re both living in her home country. E’s family lives in his home country, and sadly, he doesn’t see them often.
They Have Big Plans
The Original Poster (OP) and E are in love and have big plans – they are in the process of looking for a house and they have been discussing engagement rings.
They Got to Visit His Family
Last weekend they finally managed to get over to E’s home country and visit his family!
They Told Them the Good News!
While they were having dinner, they mentioned that they were going to move in and potentially get engaged to his family, as it’s a big step in their relationship!
Would She Take the Test?
E’s parents and brothers expressed their happiness for the couple; however, things took a turn when E’s youngest sister-in-law asked OP if she was going to take the test.
A Family Tradition
OP had no idea what she was talking about, and then she learned about a tradition that his family has for testing the future daughters-in-law.
E’s family explained that it was a family tradition for the future mother-in-law to test the future daughters-in-law to see if they were good enough for her sons.
His Family Passed It
Apparently, E’s mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests included things like how clean they could keep a home, how well they could cook, and their manners, among other things!
She Thought It Was a Joke!
She explains that while the test consisted of essential life skills that most people learn from childhood, she found the idea ridiculous!
She believed that if she was good enough for her boyfriend, he should be the one to decide that.
She’s Not That Type of Woman!
Furthermore, she didn’t fit into their targeted category, as she has no interest in being a stay-at-home wife or mother.
In E’s mom’s words, “you can’t be a good stay-at-home wife or mother if you can’t be a good homemaker, and I want to make sure of that.”
She Respects His Family, But…
While she respects E’s mom and his brother’s wives for being stay-at-home moms, she’s never thought about quitting her career and did not under any circumstance do anything to make E believe that she would compromise on that!
She’s a strong woman, and she feels deeply about this.
An Outdated Tradition?
OP thinks the tradition is outdated, which is technically accurate – it’s been a rite of passage for generations in E’s family.
She believes that it’s unfair to judge someone’s worthiness based on their homemaking skills, especially when those skills are not a priority for her.
She’d Rather Get Some Help
She would rather hire staff and buy homemaking gadgets than do chores herself.
She told E’s mother these views, but sadly this resulted in an argument that ruined dinner and their visit in general!
Her Boyfriend Thinks She Made a Mistake
E doesn’t care if OP is a working wife or a stay-at-home wife, but he thinks she should have just taken the test because “it’s just a test.”
He believes it’s a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to and that OP should have gone along with it anyway – he told her that it’s not like they would reject her if she failed.
A Rift in the Family
OP’s refusal to take the test has caused a rift between her and E’s family.
She feels guilty for ruining their visit and wonders if she should have just gone along with the tradition to keep the peace.
But She Wants to Fight Her Corner
However, she also believes that it’s important to stand up for herself and her beliefs, even if it means going against tradition!
An Impossible Situation
She felt like she was in an impossible situation: they’d judge her for not participating if she said no.
If she said yes and didn’t do well because her parents raised her in a culture that valued a career over stay-at-home wife skills, they might hold it over her head for years!
Reddit Thought It Was Absurd
Redditors said the whole situation was absurd.
They thought the idea of a mother-in-law testing her future daughter-in-law like this in 2023 is outdated and sexist, especially when OP has a career and has no interest in being a stay-at-home wife and mother.
But Who Are They to Judge Other Family Traditions?
However, who’s to say what family traditions are right and wrong?
New members of E’s family had done this test for generations, and while it was old and traditional, it was a strong part of their identity as a family!
A Role Reversal Would Be Interesting
It would be interesting to see this situation with the roles reversed. If E was the one who had to take a test to prove his worthiness to OP’s family, how would he feel?
He might feel insulted and disrespected, or he may go into it with all his effort! After all, family is important, and getting on with your future in-laws is a big priority for many people wanting to get engaged!
One Reddit user said, “It sounds demeaning and patronizing as hell. If your bf thinks you’re good enough for him, you shouldn’t have to prove yourself to anyone else.”
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The post She Refused to Take Part in Her Mother-In-Law’s Family Tradition and It Caused a Huge Argument! Was She in the Wrong? first appeared on Fistful of Dollars.
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