A frustrated user asked the Reddit community if they were in the wrong for telling their parents they would not take care of them when they were older and would need assistance.
A Difficult Relationship
The Original Poster (OP) has been somewhat non-communicative with her family for nearly ten years, although she believes that their family is unaware of this fact.
OP clarified that she does not actively avoid her family members but instead only responds to phone calls every few months.
She Didn’t Feel Accepted
OP came to the realization that she was the odd one out in their family and that this situation was unlikely to change.
She felt that her family members would never truly accept her for who she is.
The Family Didn’t Understand
In contrast to their Asian gangster upbringing where high-end clothing and expensive cars were the norms, OP considered herself to be a “white-washed” kid.
She was a skater and enjoyed spending time outdoors, which was not something their family understood or appreciated.
No One Supported Her
When OP was 19 years old, she experienced bullying and failed attempts at manipulation from her family members.
She was often labeled as a crackhead, despite not drinking alcohol and only starting to smoke weed when she turned 22. This negative labeling was due to OP’s passion for skating.
Eventually, OP decided to move out without informing anyone, prompting her mother to demand that she return home.
At this point, OP initiated a period of no contact with her family.
Trying to Set Boundaries
Over the past eight years, OP has made it clear to her mother that if she calls, it is not to criticize how they live their life.
However, despite numerous hang-ups and clear communication, OP’s mother still fails to understand and continues to call back every few weeks to discuss OP’s life.
Only Relies on Herself
OP became self-sufficient at a young age, having to fend for themselves since the tenth grade.
Her parents were often out of town for work, although OP later discovered that one of them was on vacation frequently and the other had a new life in Asia with a new spouse.
A Different Life for the Siblings
After leaving home, OP made it her goal to take nothing and owe nothing.
She felt that this was justified because her parents had consistently shown favoritism towards her sibling.
Her sibling received luxury items such as LV, Gucci, and D&G in the tenth grade, a brand-new iPhone when it first came out, and a new BMW when they turned 17 and received their license.
She Didn’t Receive a Dime
In contrast, OP had to pay for everything using her lunch money and her parents did not even attend her graduation ceremony.
OP later found out that her parents left behind $30,000 for the six months they were away, but her sibling took the money to pay their bills.
OP felt that her sibling received additional support from their parents because they stayed home and did not move out until they were 27.
Finding a New Family in Friends
Despite everything that happened, OP has still not accepted a single penny from her parents since leaving home a decade ago.
She has cultivated a group of very close friends whom they refer to as their chosen family.
They Still Don’t See Eye to Eye
Despite their parents’ disapproval, OP still maintains her lifestyle, traveling almost every weekend.
OP’s parents disapprove of her friends and do not appreciate her frequent traveling, as they believe OP should be working harder instead.
Content With This Setup
Despite this disapproval, OP’s sister only earns a maximum of $70k, while OP earns around $120k and has a great group of lifelong friends.
OP is content with the fact that her parents are no longer a significant part of her life.
A Big Question
Recently, OP’s mother asked if OP would help care for them as they age. OP told her parents no, especially given their past experiences.
Her parents were very upset by this answer and told OP how they felt.
OP Felt Guilty
This situation has weighed on OP’s mind recently, and she questions whether it is reasonable for her to feel this way.
She wonders why her parents think they can get away with showing favoritism towards their sibling, knowing what they provided for each child.
OP is left wondering if she is the jerk for not wanting to take care of her parents when they are old.
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